Paul Waltz

My Creative Cycle

While Creating Something: This is going to be amazing! -Enthusiastic Creation-

Nearly Finished: I think it might be pretty good… -Growing Doubt-

All Done: This is horrible, what was I thinking? -Contemplate Deletion-

A Few Months Later: It wasn’t that bad I guess. -Acceptance and Apathy-

Rinse and repeat.

This is NOT an Award Speech

Tonight on the eve of the anniversary of 20 years on this planet I’m doing a little self evaluation.  I am not going to exercise the act of narcissism that would be writing that garbage out, but I wanted to share how blessed and thankful I am to have this life and to have all of the amazing people I get to share it with.

To my parents Mike and Amy who have taught me so much about what it means to be a person who respects others before themselves and to be self reliant and independent.

To my siblings Daniel and Hannah for their love and for being the two people that I honestly consider to be my best friends.

To my mentor and great friend Chris, the person who truly showed me my own strengths and has taught me countless invaluable lessons from how to think for myself to helping me realize that God is so much more than a faceless entity that you visit for an hour on the weekends in order to keep Him on your good side for when you need him.

To my incredible co-workers at Fat Atom.  I absolutely hate using that word because I consider you all so much more than mere “co-workers”.  You are my friends and in many ways family. 

To my stepfather John for showing me that music is so much more than just organized noise thereby setting me on a path that led to a recovery that I have not, and probably will never, share with anyone.

Any finally, to all of my friends and family that are too numerous to name or count, past and present, forgotten and top of mind, from all places, who have each had such profound impact on me.

Tonight I mark 20 years of life.  Tonight I am thankful.  That is all.

Be More, Do More, Check Your…

There are constant outside forces pushing us one way or another each with different needs, wants, desires, and requirements. 

This is just what life is; a series of goals ranging from drinking water to hydrate your body in order to stay alive to paying off that $200,000 mortgage you took out 10 years ago that you really shouldn’t have.  From monumental to menial, life is structured around goals.  They are necessary and are one of the keys to growing as people, but I’m often struck with the sense that there’s a point at which being overly task oriented is a damaging thing.

It’s disturbingly easy to drown in what needs to be done.  As a person who manages tasks and goals for a living my mind has been trained to form neurological connections revolving around what needs to be done next as a default for when it has idle time.  I consider this to be a wonderful thing that has made me a better person, but despite the benefits it has led to occasional difficulty sleeping and even high blood pressure.

While my mindset is obviously not the sole reason for these, I have had to actively take steps to retrain my brain to be able to escape this way of thinking, even if it’s for just a few minutes at a time. 

Up to this point the best method I’ve found to get my mind to relax these connections is a combination of music and exercise; particularly music that pokes fun at being overly motivated, in conjunction with running.  In my case, mocking the core of my thinking and forcing myself to physically struggle a little grants a moment of clarity that is sometimes difficult to come by when surrounded by things to do and accomplish.

MUTEMATH and Switchfoot both have wonderful songs from their new albums (Odd Soul and Vice Verses, respectively) that have come to mean a lot to me and perfectly encapsulate the mindset I simultaneously embrace and repel.  They represent a balance between stress and the ability to overcome.

Put on your headphones, sit back, close your eyes, and take a few minutes to listen.  Remember to let go every now and then.  You will be so glad you did.

Blood Pressure

Rise Above It